From August 3, 2014:
I was on a plane twice today to and from the race track in Pocono, PA. The forecast called for a 50% chance of rain. Not cool. Too many rain delays already this year.
I always sit by the window on planes, when I can. I love to look out the window and see things I’ve never seen before. I imagine the lives of the people down below and wonder what they have planned for the day. I wonder if it is half as cool as what I have planned. Probably not. Not much can top a NASCAR race in my opinion. There is nowhere else I would choose to be.
During the first flight the clouds started to build. And before I knew it we were in the middle of them. There was no sign of sky above or little people below. It’s impossible to tell which direction we were going. You have to have some kind of faith to fly like that! I wonder what pilots did before they had computers to guide them.
My life reminds me of flying through clouds. I go on for hours, days, months not knowing where I am going or what I am doing. I have tremendous faith in the process though. I have to. It’s worked out before. Surely it will work out again… right?
All the things I spent years dreaming about I now have. I wanted:
- To go to the racetrack regularly
- A Hard Card (an annual credential to all of the Sprint Cup races)
- To be an important part of a race team
- To make enough money to pay my bills
- To have peace and quiet at home
- To find myself
I have all of those things, so much to be thankful for. But there is still a list of things that I want:
- To work for a certain company
- To have a husband of my own
- To have a family
Everything else seems to pale in comparison to these things. Every time that I start to get overwhelmed and concerned (which happens a LOT) something seems to remind me to stop and trust. Have faith. I’m not the pilot. I’m just the passenger. We will make it through the uncertainty of the clouds… in time.
And hopefully, just hopefully, like today, it will be a beautiful day for a race!