I’ve always been very passionate about my dreams. I love to dream. I love to think about how things could be better and then put a plan together to make those dreams come true. It’s what drives me, what makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. It’s a truly important factor in my life, one that I have come to believe is the most important thing for me.
I’ve always been motivated by looking toward the future. I truly believe the best part of my life is still in front of me. I think I will always believe that.
I’ve always had big dreams for my life. I was never content to do the same things that my friends were doing. I wanted to do something different, something unusual, something special.
When I was in high school I fell in love with race cars. I wanted so much to be around the race track all the time. It was pretty unusual for a girl and that just motivated me even more. When I was in college I moved across the country by myself to follow that dream. It was everything that I wanted and it was more than what I expected. It made me so happy to walk into the race track with an annual credential that was only given to crew members and know that I belonged there. I made my dreams come true. It took 10 years and a lot of hard work, but there it was. It was different than what I had thought, but it was still completely amazing.
After a while I realized that my dreams had changed. I’m not really certain why, maybe because I had achieved my goal and now I needed a new one. Or possibly my time there was just up and it was time to do something different. Either way, my situation changed and I knew that race cars were not my dream anymore. When that happened I felt lost for a while. I didn’t have a dream to reach for or a goal to work on. It was the worst emptiness that I’ve ever felt. I was just drifting along in life going through the motions without any hopes or dreams. It’s the most miserable I’ve ever been.
I realized after a while that I needed a new dream. I had come to the place where the old one was gone and I was ok with that. It was time to move on. It’s an interesting place to be is a situation where you could do anything you wanted really. I mean, I had little money, but I also didn’t have any obligations either. I could move anywhere that I wanted. Where would you go in that situation?
I started research and planning, like INFJs do. I thought about job opportunities and cost of living and weather. I considered the proximity to my relatives and to things I was interested in. I was so overwhelmed by the research I got to that place of indecision that is so hard to get out of. I just wanted to put all the places in a hat and pick one!
I finally decided there was one place that was a bit more important than the others: Boston. My friends and family had discouraged me from looking too closely at Boston because of the weather and the alleged unfriendliness of the residents, but I ignored all that and looked at it for myself. I realized the weather didn’t bother me that much. I like cold weather and I love snow days! Plus the city has so much more to offer: history, culture, opportunity. These things just weren’t an option where I was living in the Midwest. I was hooked. Three months later I had a job and bought a plane ticket to move.
This past week I was faced with something else that I had been dreaming about. About 2 and a half years ago I fell in love with a boy band. (I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me here) I never used to do crazy fan girl things before that. But boy do I ever now. They made an announcement that they were going to be on Good Morning America and doing an autograph signing in New York City. I so wanted to go. But I didn’t have anyone to go with and I really didn’t have the money, plus I didn’t want to the that girl. You know, the crazy one that stands on a sidewalk for 12 hours just to get a glimpse of some guy. I didn’t want to deal with the comments and judgements of other people. I debated all week about going, but when it came down to it I spoke to a friend who told me if I had the opportunity I should go. You never you what might happen. It may never come up again.
I spent 14 hours on a sidewalk in New York City waiting for those guys in the freezing cold and then spent probably less than 2 minutes seeing them. But it was the best time that I’ve had in a long time. I met some amazing new friends in the process which was the best part. I faced my fears of going alone and looking crazy and it turned out much better than I expected.
Yes, there were plenty of people that walked past us and asked what we were waiting for. There were plenty of them that made comments about the band and about us, but we ignored them. They don’t get it and that’s ok. I’m sure we wouldn’t get their hobbies either.
I am so proud of myself for facing my fears, for doing something that I was really unsure about, but that was so much fun. I knew it would be if I could just do it. I’m good at staying in my comfort zone of my own little world. I work all day and run home to my bed with my TV and social media. I watch my life pass me by and lament that I’m not brave enough for the adventures that I dream about. But then I have days like last week where I face all the fears and make those dreams happen. It’s such an amazing feeling. I’m ready for the next one!