7 Keys to Confidence & Success for an INFJ

So many people have contacted me and said that they want to do something, but they don’t have the courage to do it. They don’t think that they have what it takes. Or they started, but stopped, thinking that their work wasn’t good enough.

That feeling resonates with me so much. I have so many dreams that I have abandoned because of self-doubt and lack of confidence. I hate to see anyone in that situation. There have been times in my life where I have moved past all of that and accomplished some amazing things and I so much want to share that with anyone who needs it. I want to see you accomplish all of the things you want to do.

As INFJs we tend to dream really big things. Sometimes it’s hard to even imagine that those things could be true, but I promise you that most of them can! I’ve seen it in my life so many times. I want to help you with whatever you are dreaming about, with whatever it is that you want to do.  

What did you come here to hear?

What do you want to get out of this article? What permission do you need today?

If anything I say here feels true, it’s because you know it already. You just need someone to remind you that you are enough. That you can. You need someone to give you permission to do the thing that you want to do, to tell you that you have what it takes.

As an INFJ, you are unique, different from everyone you know. BUT… You were made this way on purpose. You were put on this world to do something special, something that only you can do. You were made this way for a reason. We need you exactly as you are!

You are capable of doing anything you set your mind to. I believe that 100%.

Let’s talk about how we get there.

1. Do it scared

You guys, I don’t have the secret. All I can tell you is do it scared. Maybe that is the secret. That’s what I do. When I’m scared or positive that I have no idea, I just keep going forward. I do the next thing.

I’ve learned through so much experience that the more you do it scared the easier it gets. It’s not easy by any means, but it is easier than the first time. The first time I got on a plane by myself I was terrified, shaking, wanting to cry the whole time. The next time was better and by the 1,000th time, it was still scary, but I didn’t think about it that much.

2. Do the next thing

The first time I moved halfway across the country by myself I cried for the first hour of the drive. The last time I moved that far, which was the third time, was better. Again, still not easy, but I had faith it would all work out.

When I moved that time I was flying to a brand new city that I had never been to, to a brand new job and a brand new life. I had no clue what I was doing or how it was going to work out. I just knew that it would.

It’s so much easier to think about getting to the airport than thinking about how I’m going to find an apartment in a city I’ve never been to or navigate the subway everyday all by myself. Don’t think about all of that right now. Don’t think 10 or 20 steps into the future. Just think about getting to the airport. Just think about getting through security and then finding your plane, just the next thing. I can do one thing, just the next one. It’s way easier to think about it that way.

I’m not saying don’t have a plan. You certainly need a plan. I’m saying don’t stress about the whole plan right now. When it gets to be too much, just think about the next thing.

3. Be uncomfortable

Nobody likes to be uncomfortable. But the thing is, if you want something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done. You have to be uncomfortable. In fact, you may have to be uncomfortable a lot.

“Successful people are able to tolerate being so uncomfortable and keep going.”

Cathy Heller

The difference between people who are successful and those who are not it the level of uncomfortableness they are willing to tolerate. You have to push yourself past your comfort, past your fears and doubts and all the haters to get to what you want. It’s not easy. It’s not a comfortable place to get to. It’s even worse to stay there for a while. But it’s necessary to get to those things that you want. It’s so necessary!

Most people don’t know how to keep going when they get there, when they are scared and overwhelmed and can’t figure out what the next thing to do is. But this is where INFJs really thrive. We are able to use both the thinking and feeling sides of our brains. We can feel the fear, the uncomfortableness, but know that we can move past it. We can work around those feelings and keep going.

4. Know that you are enough

I learned a new term this week: pluralistic ignorance. It’s the belief that people know more than you do. They act like they do, so you believe them. I believe them too. They must be the authority because they said that they were. But it’s not always true. In fact, it’s not true most of the time.

We also don’t see how hard things are for other people so we assume that it’s not hard, that it just comes naturally. People have a way of selling that front as well. They want you to think it’s easy to make a bunch of money fast with no effort, and that their “natural” makeup look was effortless, when it really took an hour to get there. Just because we don’t see the struggle, doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.

INFJs are very smart. That’s one of our key traits. We have the ability to intuitively tell if people are telling the truth. We also have the ability to see through their bull.

I know that part of the reason that I lack confidence at times is because I know what I know, but I know what I don’t know as well. If I don’t know something, my first inclination is to say “I don’t know,” rather than acting like I do. I just fall into the assumption that other people know more than I do. But the fact is that a lot of people don’t.

I assume that because it looks like other people know more and because I know of my own failures and insecurities that I’m not enough. I think that I shouldn’t do the thing I want to do because I may not be perfect at it or because someone else has already done it so much better.

The reality is that is so not true! No one is you. No one can do things the same way that you can or say things the same way that you can. Just because someone else has done something doesn’t mean you can’t do the same thing too. It won’t be the same, because you are different. There is plenty of room in this world for millions of people to write books and draw pictures and have an instagram about traveling.

Whatever it is that you want to do, you are enough. You have enough information to share it, you have enough experience to be able to benefit others, you have a special gift that you were born with to share with the world. It is enough.

5. Don’t compare yourself to others

INFJs love learning and research. When I set out on a new goal to accomplish I start with research. I look at everyone else that has done what I want to do. I look at their successes and their failures. I want to do everything right the first time. The problem with that is that what works for someone else may not work for you. It’s a great place to start, for sure, but it’s not the end all solution. You have to find what’s right for you.

In looking at what others do, don’t get stuck in the trap of comparing yourself to them. Like we talked about before: they are not you. Only you can do things the way that you do. Only you have had the life that you have had. Only you can communicate the way that you do. That’s your greatest asset! You are so unique! People will want to hear from you just because you are you!

6. Reframe failure

I tend to get stuck on my failures. I want to do something, but I look at all of the times that I have failed and think maybe that’s not the best thing to do. I look at all of the times that it didn’t work and stop.

Imagine if Henry Ford or Thomas Edison had stopped when they failed. Thomas Edison tried to make the incandescent filament for the light bulb for years. He tried and failed 10,000 times before he found something that worked. 10,000 times!

“I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

Thomas Edison

We have to reframe the way we look at failure. There is no failure and no success. There is just growing and learning. There is just knowing what didn’t work and trying again until you find something that does work.

7. The most important thing

There’s one thing in this process that is way more important than anything else: enthusiasm. Enthusiasm lights up your brain more than anything else does. It’s something that everyone wants. When you have it, it draws people to you. They see that you are so happy with what you are doing that they want to be a part of it, they want to experience that joy and happiness with you!

I LOVE race cars. People always ask me how I got involved with race cars. The story is my dad was getting free tickets to races from some of the companies he did business with. He was excited about going to the race track and watching races on TV. He was so excited that I wanted to know what he was excited about. I was drawn to it because of him!  

It’s the same thing for my love of boy bands. The most recent being New Kids on the Block. There was a girl that I worked with that was crazy about them. She told me I just had to listen to their music. Her excitement got me excited too! It was contagious.

This goes for anything that you are wanting to do or accomplish. Your excitement about it will translate into success. Your enthusiasm will make others excited too.

Let me ask you again…

What did you come here to hear? What do you want to get out of this article? What permission do you need today? Let me be the one to give you that permission, to tell you that you can, that you are enough. If you only remember one of the things that we talked about here, please remember this: you are enough.

Do the thing you want to do! Do it and share it with the world! Write the book. Paint the picture. Start that business. Whatever it is, step out in faith with courage and confidence. You can do it. I’m sure of it.  

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