For as long as I can remember I have been told that I need to have more self confidence. My mom said it would help me make friends, teachers said it would help me do better in school and bosses have told me it would help me do better at work. But no one can tell me how to get it.
INFJs struggle with self doubt because we see the world so much differently than other people. We see many sides to everything. We see the rational side and the emotional side. We also struggle with our intuition from time to time. It’s interesting to “just know” things, but frustrating sometimes trying to figure out the why behind it.
Being so rare and unique is something that I am very proud of, even though I had nothing to do with me being this way. But it’s also unbelievably frustrating sometimes. It’s difficult being the square peg in the round hole. How do you overcome this feeling?
Here are a few things that have helped me:
Finding someone that you connect with is really hard, especially for INFJs, but it’s so important. Having someone who thinks the same way that you do and experiences things the same way that you do is such a game changer! It’s easy to feel like you are all alone, that you are the only one in the world who feels the way that you do, but I assure you, that’s not true. There are other INFJs out there who feel the same way that you do!
The second biggest thing that has helped me work through low self confidence is educating myself about my personality. Every time I get stuck on something I find myself searching like crazy for the answers. I google everything. I want to know how every other INFJ out there feels and thinks and deals with life. Part of the reason I started this blog was to connect and share with others out there.
Learning about my personality has changed my life so much. I now know that I’m this way for a reason. No one can stand in front of me and tell me I’m wrong just because I am different. It’s ok to be different.
With learning comes acceptance. Once I realized that I was made this way for a reason, that I am not broken, I began the process of accepting myself. I say process because it hasn’t happened overnight. It’s a process between learning and accepting. It’s one step at a time.
I’ve also found that the more I accept myself, the more others will accept me. People don’t want to be around fake people, for the most part. People want to connect with others who are real and authentic. They want to be around people who can relate to them and share their struggles. That’s hard to do when you are trying to put on this front that you have everything all worked out.
I have come to accept the fact that I don’t have everything together. It’s ok though. I’m working on it. I am working on accepting things about me that I’m been told are wrong. I’m ok with staying home and relaxing on the weekends. It doesn’t make me boring, it helps me recharge. I’m ok with being well educated. It doesn’t make me a know it all, it helps me to know a little bit about a lot of things. And I hope that it will help me relate to more people, among other things.
4. Trust your intuition
My intuition is a funny thing sometimes. I struggle with anxiety as well, so when I get a feeling about something I never really know if it’s anxiety or intuition. Most of the time I can reason it out though. Most of the time.
The older that I am getting though, the more I am learning to trust those funny feelings. More times than not they are right. It’s an uphill battle trying to explain them to someone else. I still try though, I don’t know why. But when you learn to keep them to yourself and really go with your gut, you’ll be surprised where it will lead you. And the more you trust, the more you will learn and the more confident you will become.
5. Look at your successes
Every time I am struggling with confidence I look at something I have done in the past that turned out really well. It’s difficult to put yourself out there, but when you do and it works out you can use that for fuel for the next time.
I even take something that sounds really negative and make it into a positive. For example: I’m trying to lose weight so I go to the gym after work. I’m always worried people are going to stare at me or laugh at me, especially when I run. It’s not pretty. I always think that someone will laugh, but no one ever has. Most people don’t stare either. They are too caught up in what they are doing to pay too much attention to me.
So when I think “I’m not going. People will laugh and stare.” I then think, “Well no one has before, so they probably won’t this time either.” Success! It’s the little things sometimes!
Self confidence has been a lifelong struggle for me, but it’s getting better. It’s helped me a lot to find my purpose in life, to know why I am here and what I am supposed to be doing. It helps to know about my personality too and to be able to relate to others.