Being an INFJ can be really difficult at times. I basically have only 2 modes: go and burnout. Go is a great mode. It’s where I am most of the time. I get so much done and feel like I can do anything. Everyone is impressed by how much I can accomplish in a day. I feel good about myself and my life in this mode.
But ultimately it leads to burnout. You can only be stuck on constant go for so long. And when burnout strikes, it takes no prisoners. It’s a full stop. It’s make sure you have something to eat because we’re gonna be here for a while. If Go is conquer the world mode, burnout is sleep for 6 months mode.
There are several things that generally trigger burnout for most INFJs. Usually, we can deal with these things for a while before we hit burnout, but only for so long.
Soaking up everyone’s emotions
One of the things that INFJs do best is feeling what other people are feeling. We don’t have to mimic the feeling, we experience it right there with them. It’s intense and amazing! But it’s also draining and exhausting. Sometimes feeling all the feels is good and refreshing, but when you are doing it all the time, it becomes too much.
Along with being INFJ, I’m also highly sensitive. I can hear things that most people don’t notice, like the sound of the heater squeaking or the clock on the wall ticking. Those sounds are like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. It’s not just sounds though. It’s anything that overwhelms the senses: being in a place with a lot of people or a strong smell, flashing lights, loud music, etc. All of these things are very draining for INFJs.
Trying to solve everyone’s problems
INFJs always end up being a counselor for our friends and family. We care so much about how they feel and we want to help them so much, that we are drawn to them and them to us, knowing that we can help. We listen to their problems, and unconsciously take them on as our own. Then we dig down deep and offer our most profound advice. It seems natural to us, like just another day. Most of the time we may not even notice how draining it is. But it actually is very draining, especially if you don’t have someone who you can tell your problems to. You carry everyone’s issues with no one to help you lighten the load.
Always looking for more
This is my worst problem. I am constantly seeing ways to improve. I always have a hundred things to do to make myself better. I have a list of ways to improve my blog and my YouTube channel and everything new project I want to start – I already know how to make it better.
But the constant need for improvement leads you to overlook the progress you’ve already made. It keeps you focused on needing more, rather than taking the time to stop and be thankful for what you have now.
How to Cope
This is the million-dollar question: how do you cope with burnout?
I’m sure there are a lot of articles and blog posts about dealing with burnout. I’ve read a lot of them myself. I’ve probably written some too. They all basically say the same thing: self-care, rest, exercise, take your vitamins. It will get better.
I’m not as good as they are at being all happy and peppy and positive. I’m more of a realist. And in my experience, these periods can last months for me. You may have noticed that I took a bit of a break. I’m not sure if it’s over yet, but I’m hopeful.
Along with being an INFJ, I also have depression. So I have a tendency to get stuck in burnout mode. I dive into self-care things like spending all weekend taking naps and watching movies. I indulge in my favorite foods until my clothes no longer fit right.
When this happens I have to force myself back out of self-care mode and back into “go” mode. It’s not easy, especially when it’s winter in Massachusetts and we’re still in this world of covid hell. Most of my friends are still scared to leave their house. I don’t blame them. I really don’t want to leave either, but I know that I need to get out and do something.
The best advice I have for when you feel burned out is to rest for a while. Take good care of yourself. Watch your favorite movies, eat your favorite food, take naps in your cozy bed. Do this for as long as it takes. I don’t know how long that is. You have to wait until it feels right for you. You’ll know when it’s time to go back to go mode. And when you do, take care to pace yourself a little bit better. You don’t need to change the whole world today. You can save some for tomorrow.
As INFJs we are constantly looking to learn and grow, especially about ourselves and our personalities. We’re always striving to be better than what we were before, to be the best version of ourselves.
This past year has been such an amazing growth and learning experience for me. I’ve really focused on some of the things that I’ve been sure have been holding me back. Things like a lack of self-confidence, not being focused and not feeling motivated. I wanted to get crystal clear on my life’s purpose and my goals, both short term and long term.
I want to share with you some of the books that have helped me the most.
As INFJs we struggle to find our purpose in life. It’s just a part of our personality and how we process the world around us. But a fellow INFJ, Evan Carmichael, has all the answers for us. His book Built To Serve has changed my life and I’m sure it will change yours too. He says, “Your purpose comes from your pain.” He includes multiple practice exercises to help you work through the process of finding your true purpose in life and how you can really help people.
What does it really mean to be an INFJ? Lauren Sapala has it all figured out. As an INFJ she’s been there and done that. She walks us through a deep understanding of what it means to be INFJ, how to find your purpose and how to reclaim your power in this crazy world.
Susan Cain single-handedly changed the way the world looks at introverts. She started a revolution with this amazing book that explains everything about our introverted personality. She gives us the permission to be different than what is generally accepted.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1… change. That’s all it takes. 5 seconds. Mel Robbins breaks down this life-changing hack to change your habits in this amazing book. It’s changed my life in so many ways. Any time that I’m struggling with doing something new, even when I want to do it, I feel stuck and not able to help myself. But I think back to this rule and start counting backwards. Basically, you have 5 seconds to take action on doing the thing you want to do before your brain will default to what you’ve always done. If you want to change you have to take action in those 5 seconds. I guarantee you it will change your life too.
We all have fear. Every single one of us. Ruth Soukup tells us that there are different kinds of fear and when you understand what kind of fear you have then you can combat it a lot better. She also provides us with this life-changing mantra: Do it Scared. Whatever it is that you’re thinking about doing, when you’re scared to take action just do it scared. Take action even though you’re scared. This is my favorite saying of all time. I use it everyday.
Do you need a miracle in your life? Start here. This book is a 40 day guide to facing your fears and changing the way you look at the world. You’ll be surprised the miracles show up in your life when you let go of fear and choose love instead.
I never wanted to start my own business until I started listening to Cathy Heller’s podcast, that’s also called Don’t Keep Your Day Job. She’s an amazing inspiration and a treasure trove of motivation and self-confidence. She made me see that I am capable of being my own boss and it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s an exciting adventure! It’s more about freedom than anything else.
If you’re interested in starting your own business, or if you just hate your job and want to do something different, you should check out this book. It’s everything you need from motivation to practical steps to take to get started.
“I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”
I love to sleep for the exact same reason. I also need to sleep. I literally cannot function without an adequate amount every night. Many INFJs struggle with going to sleep because we can’t shut our brains off. We love the quiet time when we’re all snuggled up in bed and there is nothing to distract our minds. We love to let them wander in this time. I look forward to it every single day.
The problem arises when it’s 3 am and I still haven’t slept, knowing that I have to get up at 6:30 am. That’s when the panic sets in. I start thinking about being a zombie the next day and everything that I’ll want to eat just to try to stay awake. Then I want to make myself go to sleep. Have you ever tried to force yourself to sleep? Not only does it not work at all, but it’s super frustrating. I wouldn’t suggest it.
There are several things that I do every day that help me sleep. These are not a cure-all, as I still have problems from time to time, but they do help immensely.
Make your bedroom dark
Your sleeping environment should be as dark and cozy as possible. Start with blackout curtains. (These are the ones that I use that work great. They even block out the street lights that are right outside of my window) Make sure they are good quality curtains so that no light gets in. This is especially important if you live in the northern part of the United State (or any place really) where the sun comes up at 4 am in the summertime.
The next step is to look for any other lights in your room. I have found quite a few on things like my TV, cable box, WiFi router, computer, microphone, etc. Anything that has one of those tiny little lights that seem like nothing during the day, but cause a problem when it’s supposed to be dark. Find a way to cover them up. I use tape.
I used to use my bed for everything, but then when it came to sleeping it didn’t feel very sleepy. When you are only using your bed for sleeping then your body will know that it’s time to rest when you crawl into bed. It’s almost like a mind trick really.
Write it down
One of the biggest problems that I have, when I lay down to sleep, is I start to think about things that I need to do or want to do. Then I worry that I’ll forget them. The next morning I’ll remember that there was something that I didn’t want to forget, but can’t remember what it was. *facepalm*
To fix this problem I started to keep a journal or a notepad by my bed to write things down. This way I can get it out of my head and I know that I won’t forget it. It helps a lot.
Reduce your screen time
Reducing your screen time when you are in bed and right before going to bed will help you a lot as well. The very least you can do is switch your phone to night shift, where the screen is black instead of white at night. This helps reduce the strain on your eyes.
Get some exercise
I know it’s a bit hard to get outside and exercise right now, but getting your blood moving will help you sleep so much. Any time you are getting exercise you are increasing the endorphins in your brain, which makes you feel good. You are also physically exerting yourself which will naturally make you tired, hopefully enough to sleep well.
Yoga and meditation
Another great form of exercise for sleep is yoga. It combines gentle physical exertion with calming meditation, which is very relaxing, not just for the class, but for the whole rest of the day. There are special kinds of yoga classes designed to help you sleep, like this one from Glo.
There are so many herbs that you can get to help with sleep. I want to make sure you know that you can’t take them one day and instantly fall asleep. That’s not how they work. But if you take them consistently every night, then you will notice a difference. I noticed a difference after about a week.
I want to make sure you know that I am not a doctor and you should certainly reach out to your doctor if you are concerned about any interactions with medications you take. Everything mentioned below can be purchased legally, over the counter and most at either Walmart, Whole Foods or on Amazon.
Melatonin is the most common herb mentioned for sleep. It works like a charm if you use it consistently. If you have tried it and it didn’t work for you I would encourage you to try it again. And as I mentioned above, take it consistently every night for 2 weeks before you decide it doesn’t work. I just buy whatever brand is at the store I’m at when I need it. Like this one.
Magnesium is also important for sleep. Michael J. Breus, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and a diplomate of the American Board of Sleep Medicine, talked about it in an article from Psychology Today.
“I’ve seen many patients benefit from increasing their magnesium intake, through diet and supplements. It’s not uncommon for people, especially women, to have less-than-optimal magnesium levels. Because magnesium plays such a widespread, critical role in the body—it’s one of the 24 essential vitamins and minerals—low magnesium levels can throw many of the body’s functions off course, and raise risks for chronic health problems.
Healthy magnesium levels protect metabolic health, stabilize mood, keep stress in check, promote better sleep, and contribute to heart and bone health.”
I took melatonin and magnesium for a while and then my stress levels when up and they didn’t work as well as they had in the past. So I went looking for more. That’s when I found Valarian Root. This is a God-send!! It works so well. It says on the bottle that it promotes tranquility and relaxation and I can testify that it really does.
This one you’ll have to find at Whole Foods or on Amazon. I order it from Amazon because I can’t with Whole Foods right now. Here’s the link.
Ashwagandha is more for anxiety relief than sleep per se, but I struggle with both so I added it to my nightly vitamins. I know a lot of us INFJs have issues with anxiety and this certainly has helped me. You can get it here.
I went back and forth about whether or not to add this one to the list. I know that CBD oil is a bit controversial, but just hear me out.
First of all, it’s not illegal in the United States, technically. It’s not technically legal either though. It’s this weird gray area right now. The laws vary from state to state, so you’ll have to check with your state (or country if you are outside of the US) to see what the current law is. Make sure you’re checking from a recent and reputable place as a lot of these laws have changed in the last couple of years.
Secondly, it’s not drugs. All of the THC is taken out of it, which is the part that makes you “high.” That’s also the part that gives you the munchies.
The part that’s left has lots of benefits including reduced stress and increased relaxation. It’s helped me a lot, as much as any prescription for anxiety ever has. Though it’s a bit expensive, I would really encourage you to give it a try.
I would really encourage you to find a distributor that is legitimate and sells a good quality product. Make sure they are willing to share their certificates of analysis.
Any of the things that I mentioned will help you sleep a little bit better, but if you combine all of them I’m sure you’ll see a huge improvement.
WHAT IF ONE BOOK COULD CHANGE YOU’RE LIFE?
Whether you’ve just found out you’re an INFJ or you’ve known for a while, diving into your personality traits will have a profound impact on your life. It will change everything!
INFJs are pretty complicated individuals at our core, but it really doesn’t take that much to make us happy. We take pleasure in simple things that most people would find boring. We like to be alone, left in our favorite quiet space to think our deep thoughts and work through our plans and intuitions. Being alone isn’t the only thing that makes us happy, but it is at the top of the list. Here are a few more things…
Having quiet time is really important for INFJs. It’s how we recharge our internal batteries. We need it to give us the energy to do all of the other things we have to do. But we also love it. We could spend the majority of our days in a quiet space curled up with our favorite book and a warm drink. There’s nothing better for us. Nothing makes us happier.
Because of our Extroverted Feeling, we are constantly looking at the people around us. We want to make sure they are ok and have everything they need. We are happy when we are doing something that is important to those around us, something helpful and useful. It gives us a deep sense of purpose and happiness to feel needed and useful.
We are especially happy when other people recognize ou contributions and make us feel valuable. Their kind words will go a long way for us.
Most INFJs identify Words of Affirmation as their top love language. We appreciate anyone who will listen to our theories and ideas and try to understand. We need friends to talk out our problems with and help us sort things through. Their words of encouragement and cheer bring us that happiness that comes from a true connection. It’s an amazing feeling.
Knowing we can be ourselves
INFJs are known as social chameleons. We adapt our personality to best suit those around us. Most of the time we do this without really even noticing what’s going on. But sometimes it is noticeable and it gets old. We want someone that we can be truly ourselves around and not have to worry about judgment.
Surface level conversations are the bane of our existence. We want to talk about deep and meaningful things. We can spend hours and hours talking about the meaning of life, the effects of our childhood and self-development. We’ll sit and talk for hours about anything that’s complex and interesting. We love to sort out puzzles for fun. We walk away from these kinds of conversations feeling recharged and ready to conquer the world.
The inside of our head is such a messy and convoluted web of information and connections that we need the outside world to be organized and under control. We love labels and highlighters and file folders, anything that makes us feel like we have our life together. We’ll spend hours organizing and reorganizing the files on our computer to make sure they make the most sense and are easy to access. We like things to be efficient. We’ll be most at ease and internally happy when things are all in their place.
Having a plan
“The opposite of depression is not happiness, it’s purpose.” Cathy Heller says these words over and over again and I couldn’t agree more. As INFJs, we need a plan. We need a goal to work towards. We need to have a long term view of our lives. We can’t function without it. There is nothing more hopeless than an INFJ floundering around trying to figure out why they were put on this earth. It’s really tragic.
But when we have a plan and we can consistently make progress on that plan, we are very happy and fulfilled. We are great at looking toward the future and adjusting our daily lives accordingly. We are very happy when we can see the progress and know that our plan is working.
As with everything about INFJs, our happiness is contradictory. We are simple and complicated at the same time. But this is where we are most happy as well when we can be most ourselves and help others in the process.
There’s a terrible pandemic that’s all over the world right now. We’ve all been affected by it, some of us more than others. For some, the worst part is yet to come.
Most recently it’s shown up in the United States. The powers that be are preaching social distancing and isolation. “Stay home to save the world!” they keep telling us. The government is advising and in some cases requiring the postponing of any large events, closing restaurants and banning anyone from gathering in groups larger than 10 people here in Boston. And those of us that have day jobs are working from home for the foreseeable future.
Some people are required to stay in their homes at all times except for absolute necessities, like going to get groceries and medications.
This is a very scary situation, especially if you watch the news, which I suggest you don’t. More on that later. It’s hard to wrap your mind around it because the smartest people in the world don’t have any answers for us. They are doing the best that they can, but there are still a lot of unknowns.
It’s hard to know how to handle something like this. There is no precedent, no set of guidelines to go by, nothing really to compare it to. We’ll all just figuring it out as we go along.
Feeling overwhelmed is normal
It’s easy to be overwhelmed right now. A lot of people are. It’s completely normal and totally ok. As INFJs, we like to feel like we have a plan and a goal. Right now there are no long-term plans because we don’t know how long this will last. That’s the hardest part for me. But it’s important to remember that this will pass. There will be life after this situation. It will come to an end and things will go back to being normal, though you might still stockpile toilet paper for a while because we all know that the trauma of not having any will not wear off soon.
It’s also ok to be ok
We are classic introverts who love to stay home and hide in our rooms. While some of my friends and co-workers are panicking about the “please stay home” warnings, I’m over here in my room thinking that not really much has changed for me. I’m completely ok with being at home for 2 weeks and not really going out much. I have a whole list of things to do and don’t really need to go out much.
If this is the case for you too, try not to feel guilty about it. It’s ok if you’re ok. You don’t have to panic just because everyone else is. Keep on carrying on. Work on your projects and check in on your friends every once in a while. We got this!
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As INFJs our first instinct is to worry about how everyone else is doing. I’ve checked on my friends over and over again, especially the extroverted ones because they really are struggling right now.
It’s important to check in on them and make sure they’re ok, but you don’t have to take on what they’re going through. Some people are having a really hard time managing their stress and anxiety about this situation. Because they are not used to this type of anxiety it’s spilling out of them in waves. Remember that their anxiety is not your anxiety. You do not have to take that on and own it, even though you might feel like you should. Offer your support as a good friend would, but don’t take their feelings and emotions to heart.
It’s not your responsibility to make sure they are ok to the point where you are not ok. Remember that. You have enough to deal with on your own.
Make time for yourself
When you’re quarantined in your home if you’re alone, you’re good to go. You have all the time to take care of yourself. Just remember to take breaks from you work and your projects and spend some time resting and recharging.
If you have other people in your home, especially if you have little people, this will be a little bit harder. But it is still important for you to make time for yourself. You still need the same amount of time to recharge, in fact, you probably need more than usual because of all of the stress of this situation.
Here are some self-care ideas to help you recharge while at home.
1. Let yourself feel icky
When we are in really stressful or overwhelming situations it’s easy for us to try to push out those feelings and want to feel better right away. When we do that we are just prolonging the icky feelings. The best thing you can do is to let yourself feel icky. Know that it’s ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Give yourself some time and space to really feel them. Cry if you need to. Get your anger out like you need to. Whatever you are feeling, feel it. It’s ok.
2. Make cookies
My favorite thing to do is make cookies. When I get stressed or overwhelmed I generally make cookies. Baking is a great way to distract yourself and make your family happy too.
3. Binge-watch something
I love watching Netflix and Hulu. There is always another documentary or series that I’m going through. It’s a nice and welcome distraction for what’s going on in the world today.
4. Do that thing you keep putting off
You’re at home and you have a bunch of time on your hands. I know there is something that you want to do that you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s cleaning out your closets or reorganizing your office. Maybe you’ve wanted to start writing a book. Whatever it is, use this time to be productive.
5. Do something creative
You could also do something creative. Writing is a great way to express what you are feeling. Art is another amazing way to help you relax and express yourself. Whatever creativity you enjoy, spend some time embracing it.
6. Reassess what you’re doing with your life
This is one of my favorite hobbies as an INFJ, especially when I feel lost and unsure of the future. Now is the perfect time to ask yourself if you’re happy. Ask yourself if you only had a couple more months on this Earth would you be doing what you did today? Make a plan to make some changes.
7. Work on your resume
One of the biggest things we are unhappy with is our work and our jobs. Now that you have some time, if you are unhappy with your job, dust off your resume and see what needs to change. While right now may not be the best time to look for a new job, it will be here soon. You should be prepared.
8. Think about starting a business
Now is the perfect time to start a new business though, especially if you want to write a blog or start a podcast. There are so many people who make a full-time income from doing these things and it’s entirely possible for you too. You can read more about it here.
9. Don’t watch the news
One of the worst things you can do in a situation like this is constantly watch the news. This is especially true if you have anxiety. Remember that they make money by selling commercial space, not by reporting the news. What they report is a sensational version of what’s going on. I highly suggest that you find a reputable source of information and check it once a day for updates.
If you are in the United States you can follow these sources:
This is the perfect time to reach out to your friends and family to check in on them and reconnect with them. While you may not be able to go and see them, you can call them or message them to see how they are.
I highly recommend that you video chat with them. I know it sounds scary and awkward, but it makes a huge difference connecting with people when you can see them, even if it’s through a computer or phone screen.
11. Take advantage of all the freebees going on right now
There are so many people offering free chats and courses right now. You need to take advantage of as many of them as you can handle. You could learn so much from some AMAZING people!! Here’s just a few of them that I have seen:
I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. I decided to change my website host to a new and cheaper one. It gave me more features for a lot less money. That should have been a red flag, but unfortunately it wasn’t. So I built a whole new website, well three actually, and transferred the DNS. I sound really smart and technical saying this, but really I spent a lot of time on Google trying to figure out what it all meant.
Then the new host went and deleted my sites. Panic ensued. Threats and blame got tossed around like somehow it was all my fault. But I yelled at them enough that they were able to fix it within 24 hours. I thought all was well. I was wrong.
The next week I started using a new program to help grow my traffic with Pinterest. It worked great, increasing my traffic exponentially. I was so happy for like a minute. Then my website got marked as spam on Pinterest. More panic. More Googling. The next day I got a response from Pinterest, “Oops. So sorry. It happens. Blame AI.” Ok, cool. As long as it’s fixed. But it wasn’t.
The next week my website was marked as spam again. And this time their response took 3 days and it was not as casual. It was more like, “Nope. Not our bad. You did it and you should know why. It’s permanent because your content is spam. Go away.” Super rude. And yes, I am talking about this blog, INFJ Woman. They thought it was spam. Unbelievable.
I was beyond furious. I told everyone I know. And their response shocked me.
“Wow, that sucks. I guess you’ll have to do without Pinterest.”
I was so surprised how easily they just gave up. It was a canned, almost automatic response from the lowest paid person working at Pinterest. And I was just supposed to accept that was how it was going to be?
Back to my website hosting saga… I noticed that my sites were loading super slow, so I went back to the new host and upgraded my plan. And you know what they did? They deleted my website. Again. I don’t know why I was surprised.
I spoke to 6 different people that day, all of whom accused me of deleting a database and asking me if I had a backup. Let’s be clear: I wasn’t even aware my website had a database, nor would I know who to get to it or how to delete it. Also, I’m paying the new host for a code backup, so they should have a backup. That’s part of what they sold me. So they told me it was gone and I wouldn’t be able to get it back.
And I went and told all of my people and again their response, “Wow. I guess you just have to start all over and build it from scratch. That stinks.”
I’m shocked at how many people except “no” the first time they hear it. So I started thinking about how many times I’ve accepted no the first time that I’ve heard it. A few years ago I wanted to start a YouTube channel. I mentioned it to a couple of my friends and they said it was a horrible idea. So without much thinking I just accepted no. I shouldn’t do it. It wasn’t a good idea.
Just one more story…
Just a couple weeks ago I was trying to see one of my favorite bands. I’m sure if you followed me long enough you’ve heard me speak about New Kids on the Block. They’re from Boston and recently they announced that they would be playing a show in Fenway Park this year. Because of that they were going to be at a local radio station one morning. So I went to see if I could see them there, just for a minute. Just to say hi.
I asked one of the girls that worked there if I would be able to see them and she said, “No. They are coming in on the other side of the building through a locked gate. You shouldn’t even be here. You won’t be able to see them.”
“Ok, no worries.” I responded and went back to my car. But as soon as she walked into the building I went right back up to the door. And you know what happened?
Well that would be Donnie Wahlberg, Jordan Knight and Jon Knight, from New Kids on the Block. Not only did they come in the front door, but they were more than happy to say hi, stand there and chat for a few minutes and take selfies. Really sweet guys. So glad I didn’t leave before they got there.
Why do we just accept no?
I cannot for the life of me figure out why people just accept no. The only reason that I can come up with that I have accepted it at times is that I haven’t always believed in myself or believed that I deserved good things to happen to me. I thought that I had bad luck and I just expected bad things to happen to me. So I accepted those things when they did happen. Like an endless cycle.
The power of manifesting
It seems like I’ve run into a lot of people who talk about manifesting. In short, they believe that you put something out there in the universe, usually by talking about it, and it will happen. You talk it into reality.
I don’t know that I believe that just as it is. I do believe in dreaming big dreams and then believing that they will come true. Part of that belief is a belief in yourself, that you deserve something good to happen and that you will put in the work that’s required to make it happen. I know for sure that there is major power in what you believe. Because when you have enough belief in yourself and what you want, it doesn’t matter how many people tell you no. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you that your idea will not work. You won’t let their negativity stop you. You will find a way to make it happen.
When Pinterest told me my site was permanently marked at spam I protested. I sent several emails to different people asking them what I did and telling them my story. I went through their spam policy and found what I had done wrong and fixed it. The next email I received from them was the, “Oops. So sorry. It happens. Blame AI.” And all was well in the Pinterest world again. Lesson learned. Problem fixed. Site traffic restored.
When my website host deleted my website I again went to the mattresses and fought to the death. And then I gave up with them because seriously, they are terrible and it was a terrible decision on my end to change hosts. But I still had my old website and was able to change my host back to the old one within a couple of hours and all is well in website world again. Thank you WordPress for your amazing service! You really do get what you pay for.
The moral of the story
Persistence pays off. Just because the first person says “no” or “you shouldn’t do that” doesn’t mean that they are right or that they even know what they are talking about. You have to decide what you want and talk to enough people that you get the answer that you are looking for. You have to believe in yourself enough to go after it and to keep going until you get it. You’ll be amazed at what happens when you do.
I’m one of those people who says yes to everything. When anyone comes to me with something, I say, “Sure! I can do that!” I immediately start making a plan to accomplish the thing. Classic INFJ people pleaser right here.
I find myself doing this a lot. Like a whole lot. I get a lot of messages and emails these days. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE hearing from people. But there are some that I get WAY TOO involved in.
For instance… When I get a message from a guy who says his INFJ wife/girlfriend left him and he doesn’t know what to do. It’s usually an E type. He wants to WIN HER BACK because he feels he did NOTHING wrong. But an hour into the conversation (yes, an hour) we have established that she door slammed him because he cheated on her with her best friend.
Why am I talking to this dude again? Oh yeah. I just wanted to help.
Now I just want to call her and say, “YOU GO GIRL!!! So glad you got away from him!!!”
But why did I just put an hour of my time and energy and emotions into this conversation with this guy who I have no idea who he is??
Do you ever find yourself doing that? Cause it’s not just in messages. Sometimes it’s the guy who’s yelling in the office or the grocery store. All of the sudden you are invested and you don’t know how or why or how to make it stop!
I do this with TV shows too. I was bored one night and started watching 90 Day Fiance. OMG. Don’t do it. It’s an emotional TRAP. And then you get addicted and CAN’T STOP. It’s like watching a train wreck!!!
So this is how I spend my days. One message, email, TV show, grocery store dude after another and then I go home and crash. Do you do this too? That falling onto the couch so hard that you literally can’t move for 4 hours. You hope the remote is close otherwise you may end up watching whatever is on next and we all know that’s a dangerous gamble (probably how I got into 90 Day Fiance).
I don’t have kids or a husband who needs fed at night, thank God! I don’t know what I would do if other people depended on me. I feel for all of you wonderful mamma & wife warriors out there who manage to handle the crash and the kids! You are my heros and hopefully I will come to you for advice someday when I’m in your shoes.
For now, I relish the silence and the alone time.
How to avoid the crash
I know this crash sounds violent. That’s because it is. You have officially hit the burnout stage and you need to rest and regroup. If you are like me, this regrouping takes a hot minute. Like hours really. Sometimes days. Then I get so comfortable doing nothing and so afraid of the next crash that I just camp out for a while and avoid all the things. I’m not advising you to do this, I’m just telling you what I do.
How do you avoid this situation altogether or at least minimize it as much as possible? Say no. Two measly little letters that are so hard to put together. But that’s the only thing you can do.
You have to figure out what your priorities are. What’s the most important thing in your life right now? Once you know that, then you can start to eliminate everything else. But you have to focus on that goal, cause it’s so easy to get sidetracked by an email or a car driving too slow in the fast lane. Yep, that’s an energy sucker too.
Have a strategy
Saying no is so hard to do. I know. It’s a beast of a word. I like to plan ahead so I don’t get stuck and just say yes to avoid being awkward. So I think about all the things I say yes to and I figure out a better way for next time.
Here are a few of my examples:
Wear headphones in the grocery store just to avoid listening to other people talk
Listen to music or a podcast on the way home to avoid getting too aggravated by traffic
Write down a reason why you can’t go out tonight or tomorrow
I need to check with my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend
I need to let my dog out
I just got a new plant that needs watered
Inform all of your friends that you need 72 hour notice before you are available for anything. “I’m all about boundaries now!”
Only open your email/messages at certain times a day
Turn the notifications off to avoid being distracted and curious about them
Limit your screen time
It’s not rude
I know saying no to people sounds rude. It’s not. At some point you have to take care of yourself. You have to at least put yourself on the same level that you put everyone else. You’re important. Your health and wellness is so important too. If you don’t protect it, it will go away. Then you have to work twice as hard to get it back.
Filter out what’s not important and focus on what makes you happy. Say no to everything else. It’s hard at first. But it gets easier. I’m sure you can do it. I’m right there with you.
INFJs are quiet and calm people who aren’t usually thought of as entrepreneurs. While we are capable of leading, most of the time we’d rather leave that responsibility to someone else. But there are multiple reasons that INFJs make exceptional entrepreneurs. Our personality and demeanor are well suited to doing our own thing.
There is nothing like the freedom you feel when you get your first car. You can go anywhere all by yourself. No one looking over your shoulder and watching your every move. There’s an even bigger freedom when you move out of your parent’s house. It’s all up to you, every decision you make is only yours.
That’s the same feeling when you start your own business. You have the freedom to do whatever you want. You can run the business the way that you want to, the way that makes sense to you, rather than having to abide by someone else’s rules. It’s an amazing feeling knowing that you can do whatever you want to do.
2. Control over your workspace
I’ve worked in a few jobs where the workspace was just awful. It consisted of old, hand-me-down furniture from decades ago, dirty cubicles, loud coworkers roaming the walkways, people yelling on their speaker phones and slamming doors for no reason.
Over the last few years we’ve seen the rise of the open office. It’s a whole different kind of hell for an introvert who likes to work in quiet concentration. That just doesn’t exist anymore.
One of the perks of owning your own business is that you get to decide what your office looks like. You get to decide what kind of desk you want and what kind of coworkers you want as well. There’s no more adjusting to your environment. You can adjust the environment to fit what you like and need.
3. Long term planning
INFJs are amazing at long term planning. We have this amazing ability to see things from the logical perspective and from the emotional perspective. Plus we are killer at thinking things through and seeing what will happen if we go down a certain path. We can see patterns and can predict what will happen based off of those patterns. This gives us an amazing ability for long term planning in our business.
4. Structure planning
INFJs are also amazing at organizing things in the most efficient and logical manner possible. We consider not only ourselves in these decisions, but also everyone around us. We want things to function well for anyone who has to use them, now or in the future.
When you work for yourself you can set things up exactly the way that you like them. You don’t have to abide by anyone else’s rules or standards. You don’t have to convince anyone else that you are right and that your way is better. You can simply establish things that way that you want them.
5. Make a difference
Most jobs have no real purpose to them. You go to work and do your assigned tasks everyday, but does it really make a difference to anyone? Are you changing anyone’s life? Are you providing meaning and purpose where there was none before?
It’s extremely important for INFJs to do work that is meaningful. We want to help others in whatever way that we can. We want to do something that is really meaningful with our lives. When you own your own business what you do is really up to you. And if you find that your work is not meaningful you have the freedom and the opportunity to shift that work into something that is in line with what you want.
Being an entrepreneur is perfect for INFJs
When I was younger I never saw myself as an entrepreneur. I never wanted the responsibility of making my own sales and making all of the decisions. I saw working for someone else as being much more stable and reliable. But the older I get the more I realize that’s not true at all. Working for someone else it’s always stable and reliable. It’s possible to get laid off or fired. It’s possible for those things to happen through no fault of your own.
Being an entrepreneur is perfect for INFJs for a lot of reasons, but mostly because you get to be in control. You don’t have to work with people who suck the life out of you. You don’t have to go to a place that you hate every day. You can use your creativity and your desire to help others and make money by doing those things!
Grow your Instagram following now!!
It’s hard to figure out how to get people to follow you on Instagram, especially when you start an account from nothing. I know, because I struggled for years to do it by myself.
Once I figured out what works though, everything changed! I’ve included my whole strategy in this guide and it works no matter what algorithm Instagram has. I’ve used it to grow my following from 0 to 52K+ followers in a year.
Fall is in the air here in Boston. Pumpkin spice season is in full effect. I’m so excited about it. I love pumpkin spice.
I love it when the seasons change. It’s a great reminder for me that things do change. I tend to get in the mindset sometimes that nothing will ever get better or change for the good, that things will always be as they are. But then I start to notice that the green is slowly fading to wonderful shades of red and yellow and gold and I realize that change is happening. It’s the same for things in life. They will get better.
I have been a magnet for narcissists my whole life. I have attracted those people who are toxic to my mental, emotional and ultimately physical health. The worst part it I blamed myself for their behavior. I always thought that it was me. It wasn’t until last year that I really came to understand what a narcissist is and what they do to people, especially INFJs.