Two young women talking across their desks in an office

Ask Sarah: Dating, Depression & Understanding

I have been feeling so depressed here lately. My mother does not know how to help me. I feel like I don’t want to be here at times because of how lonely I feel. I have went out on like 30+ dates with different men over the past year. I go out with some of the most attractive looking people… it doesn’t work. Eventually I started going out with people that I didn’t find attractive just hoping someone would accept me. I still haven’t found it. I usually do not get a second date. It leads me to think something is wrong with me. I don’t know what it is. I need help.



I’m so sorry you are struggling so much with feeling lonely. I know that feeling. It hits me hard sometimes. It’s a lot being an INFJ and feeling like no one will ever understand you or accept you just for being you.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you! You are different from most other people. Only 2% of the world is INFJ, so most people won’t understand you, but that’s ok. You were made different and special and unique on purpose.

I have learned through my 35 years that the most important thing is for you to accept yourself and love yourself just as you are. You have to be able to do this before anyone else will. Also, when you do this you will start to attract the right kind of people in your life, the ones who will love you for being you.

Over 30 dates is a lot. Maybe it’s time to take a break from dating and focus on yourself for a while. Practice some intense self-care, do something that makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself. I usually go and get my hair done when I am a situation like you described. It always makes me feel better and more confident.   

I would also encourage you to look at a new course that I am offering. It’s all about learning how to love yourself and become the best version of yourself. We are going to learn about how to release judgment and attract the right kind of people in your life. I think it would be a great benefit to you! You can learn more about it here.

Another thing that might be helpful is to find some new friends. There are a lot of places that you can go to find friends and likeminded people. I would suggest joining our INFJ Sorority Facebook group as a start! It’s exclusively for INFJ women.

You could also find an in-person group or class of something that you enjoy, where you could meet new friends.

I would also encourage you to speak to a counselor. I know that there is a lot of stigma around it, but it’s so helpful sometimes. I have found that it is a great help to have someone to talk to that you don’t have to worry about anything that you say to them and they can offer you some very helpful advice as well.

I hope you feel better soon!