Ask Sarah: Starting Conversations

I have this issue of freezing up every time I try to start a conversation with a girl. It ends up very messy. I have heard all sorts of ides for solutions that people have and, to be honest, doesn’t help even a little bit. This is something I fear will cost me one day. How do I go about it?

Thanks! – Marto

Hey Marto,

I know exactly how you feel. I get really nervous about starting conversations with people, especially new people and people that I like a lot. Small talk is weird an uncomfortable for INFJs. We like deep conversations about interesting things, not baseball and the weather. Sometimes it can be hard to get those conversations going though.

I was just in this situation a couple of weeks ago. I knew that I was going to see I guy that I really like a lot and have trouble speaking to. My solution is to think about things to talk about before I get into that situation. I usually have a couple of ideas ahead of time.

Sometimes it works out really well and other times, well, not so much. But either way, it’s a great place to start.

The other thing I can tell you is to ask for advice. This is the other thing that I have found helps. People generally like to talk about themselves, their city, work, hobbies, family, etc. Ask for advice or suggestions on something, a restaurant or event or store. That’s usually a good way to get a conversation going.

If the girl is an INFJ she’s probably great at advice. She will be more than happy to listen to your problem and offer her opinion. She’s had lots of practice and is used to people asking what she thinks.

I would also tell you to stay engaged in the conversation. I have a tendency to not even look at the person that I like while talking to them. It makes things even more awkward than they already are. Be in the moment. Listen to what they have to say so that you can respond and keep the conversation going.

Good luck!

Have a question about INFJs? Let me know! I’ll do my best to answer it for you!