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10 Reasons that INFJs are Awesome

INFJs are completely awesome people! There are quite a few parts of our personality that make us awesome, but my personal favorite is our intuition and our ability to predict the future. We’re going over a few things that make INFJs awesome!

1. The INFJ personality type is the rarest type, found in less than 3% of the population. 

Just the fact that we’re rare makes us awesome. We’re something that you don’t see every day, something that some people may not ever see. Like a rare bird or a treasure of unlimited value, we are very special and that alone makes us awesome!

2. Friends for life

INFJs make great friends. We don’t typically have a lot of friends, so when we do find someone that we connect with, we hold them very close to us. We’re very loyal. We won’t just leave at the drop of a hat. And we’ll be there for you whenever you need us, even if it’s an inconvenience for us. 2am? We’re there. You need a roadtrip buddy at the last minute? Sign us up. We’ll show up for you. It’s what we do. 

Another awesome trait of INFJs that make us good friends is that we understand what you’re going though, even if we haven’t been through it. This leads us to…

3. INFJs give great advice

INFJs have something called Extroverted Feeling. It’s our dominant function. It means that we are great at picking up on how other people feel and feeling those feelings as if they were our own. This makes us excellent counselors because we can literally feel how other people feel, even if we have never been through what they’re going through.  

We’re also excellent counselors because we give great advice. We are able to use both the thinking and the feeling sides of our brain to be able to think through scenarios that are presented to us and decide what the best course of action is. We use both our gut feelings and reason and logic to work it out. 

4. We’re constantly thinking about everyone else

Because of our extroverted feeling function, we are always thinking about others. We put others before ourselves naturally. We want everyone to be comfortable and happy, no matter what the cost is for us. This makes us great at connecting with others because we can adapt to what they need. 

We may not like to be the life of the party, but we are certainly the best host. We use our planning abilities to think about what everyone will need way ahead of time and prepare for all of the options that we can see. 

5. We like peace

INFJs are introverts, meaning that we recharge our energy by being alone. We love to be alone in the quiet with our own thoughts. It’s where we are most happy. 

We also like peace in relationships. We are great at compromising to keep our loved ones happy. We’ll go the extra mile to make sure that everyone has what they need. And when conflicts do arise, we’ll be the one in the middle negotiating for every side that gets taken. We like to help everyone else get back to peace. 

6. We like making things better

INFJs are born with this amazing ability to see a situation and to see how it can be better. Every time we walk into a situation we see how it can work better, whether it’s a long line in the grocery store, a crowded train station or a new job at a company that’s run poorly, we can see exactly where the improvements need to happen. 

This is true for people too. We see people as they are, but we also see what they could be. Sometimes it gets us into trouble if we idealize someone’s potential too much, but as long as we keep who they really are on the front burner it can be an amazing tool. It gives us the ability to help people see the best in themselves and inspire them to do big things with their lives. This brings us to number 7… 

7. Inspiring people 

INFJs are amazing at inspiring people. Because we can feel what they are feeling and relate to them so well, we can put ourselves in their shoes and tell them exactly what they need to hear. Everyone needs inspiration sometimes, but not everyone can give you such amazing inspiration that’s so uniquely tailored to what you need to hear right at that moment in your life. We’ll hit you right where you need it. 

We’ll also help you identify all of the things that are holding you back and help you work through them. We’ve got a plan, because of our amazing judging preference, and we’ll show you exactly what you need to do to get the results you’re looking for. 

8. We like big, seemingly impossible ideas

INFJs love to learn. We get obsessed with different things and have to know all the things about our obsession. If you ever stumble across one of our obsessions in a conversation with us, we’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to know about it. You’ll question whether we are actually introverts because of how excited and how animated we get when talking about it. Oh and how we just won’t stop talking about it. 

One of our favorite topics is big ideas. We love to talk about the meaning of life or the dark side of the moon. We love to explore things that seem too big to think about or impossible to fix. We love to run through scenarios in our brains and think about possible outcomes. 

9. Intuition

As we spoke about before, INFJ’s dominant function is Extroverted Feeling. Our second function is called Introverted Intuition. This means that we collect all kinds of data from what we see and feel and process it in our minds. While processing, we add meaning to what we see, we connect dots between what we see and what we know and we run through hundreds, sometimes thousands, of possibilities. All of this work happens in a matter of seconds and we get a feeling about something or someone. It happens so quickly and so naturally that we don’t even realize what’s happening. 

Our intuition is one of our most powerful and amazing traits. We rely on it to help us figure out what decisions to make about every aspect of our lives. And the more we lean into it and listen to it, the stronger it gets. 

And now for the last and final thing that makes INFJs awesome, and my personal favorite… 

10. We predict the future

Our intuition is so amazing that it helps us predict the future. We’re not supernatural or psychics, well most of us aren’t, but we do have to ability to predict what’s going to happen. We use our intuition to gather information about people or events and we compare it to everything we know and have learned. We run through thousands of scenarios in our heads, comparing information, history, behavior and likely scenarios. Then we pick out the most likely scenario the feels right for us. You’d be surprised how many times we hit the nail right on the head. We surprise ourselves a lot with it too! 

There are a lot of things that make INFJs really awesome people. We’ve just named a few. What do you think makes INFJs awesome? Tell me in the comments! 


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What is an INFJ Woman?

An INFJ woman is a woman who had the MBTI INFJ personality type. She has the INFJ preferences, meaning introvert, intuitive, feeling and judging. She is quiet and reserved but has strong opinions about things she really cares about. She knows things about things and people without any effort or knowledge of how she knows, but she’s right most of the time. She shows little emotion on her face, but she feels things on a deep level. 

What is an INFJ? 

INFJ is a personality type from the Myers Briggs Type Indicator personality test. Two women, named Myers and Briggs, developed a personality test based on Carl Jung’s theories about personalities. They determined that there are 16 different personality types based on four categories: favorite world, information, decisions and structure.

Favorite world

Everyone has a favorite world that they like to operate in. Introverts prefer the inner world. We like to be in our own minds, thinking about the meaning of life and dreaming about the future. Extroverts prefer the outer world. They get energy by connecting with people and sharing ideas. 

Information

This category is all about how you process information. People with a sensing personality collect information through their senses and process it at face value. They focus on what is in front of them and what they know as fact. Intuitive people collect and process information a different way though. We collect information based on feelings and vibes. We interpret it by adding meaning to it as we organize it.

Decisions

People with a thinking preference make decisions based solely on facts and logic. They leave feelings out of their decision as much as possible. People with a feeling preference make decisions based on a gut feeling. We use our intuition to help point us in the right direction. 

Structure

This category focuses on how you structure your life and deal with the outside world. People who are perceiving prefer to go with the flow and make decisions when they come to them. People who have a judging preference like to have a plan and make decisions ahead of time. 



INFJ Personality Type

INFJs prefer to be in the inner world. We like quiet alone time and need a lot of it. We process information by adding meaning to it through our intuition. We don’t always know where all this information comes from, but we know it’s reliable. We make decisions based on our gut feelings, but we also consider the facts and logic of a situation. We are unique in that we use both thinking and feeling that way. In the outside world, we prefer things to be planned and decided. We like organization, file folders, labels, schedules and checklists. We need the plan to look forward to and to prepare ourselves for what’s coming. 

What’s the best personality type? 

The MBTI personality test was not meant to make one personality better or worse than another. It’s meant solely to help people understand themselves and others. It should be used as a tool to help us connect and communicate with others better. 

Why INFJ Woman? 

When I started my blog in 2018 I spent a little bit of time trying to come up with a name for it. I wanted to speak to people who were most like me, especially about the INFJ personality type. So I called my blog INFJ Woman. It’s not meant to be exclusive of men or people who identify another way. It’s mean to speak to people who are like me, women who have the MBTI INFJ personality type. 

I want to make it clear that all are welcome here. The vast majority of my posts speak to all INFJs. However, I don’t subscribe to popular trends or the demands of the social media universe. I won’t change my name to conform to anyone’s ideas of what I should be. I am what I am, whether it’s popular or not. Any true INFJ will understand this. 

I accept you as you are and I hope that you will show me the same respect. 


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How INFJs Fall In Love

Do INFJs fall in love easily?

INFJs fall in love easily sometimes and sometimes they don’t. INFJs have high expectations for their romantic partner. We want more than just surface-level attraction. Sure, we want someone who we find attractive, but they have to be compatible with our personality, morals and values in order for us to make time for them in our lives. We want someone we can connect with on a deep and meaningful level. We rely on our intuition to help us know that we’ve found the right person. 

But every once in a while we run across someone who is everything and we know all at once. This doesn’t happen often and we don’t tend to jump in right away. We just know right away that they are the one. We’ll still take our sweet time is getting to know them and make sure that they are everything we think, but everything is just easier with them from the start. 

There are a few things that make it more difficult for INFJs to fall in love. 

Have guard up

INFJs spend our lives being generally misunderstood by nearly everyone we know. We are also a lot more sensitive than we like to admit. Because of this, we’ve been hurt over and over in our lives. When meeting someone new, we put our guard up for protection. 

It takes a while to lower our guard. We want to move through the process slowly and surely, to get to know our partner in our own time and way. 

Want to be understood

INFJs spend so much of our lives feeling misunderstood. We know that very few people will ever really understand us, but we want a partner who tries to understand us as much as possible. It’s important for our partner to make an effort and appreciate us for our complexity. 

It’s all about chemistry… or what we call intuition

INFJs look for a feeling more than anything. Most people call it chemistry, though we call it intuition. We have a very well honed intuition. We know things before we can explain how we know them. This applies to a lot of things in our lives, but certainly people. When we first meet someone we know a lot about them, including if we like them or not. Most people are just people, but every once in a while we meet someone really special that we just click with. We know that person will be important to us instantly.

Too picky?

INFJs take finding a partner very seriously. We’re very organized and typically have a list of characteristics that we want in our ideal partner. We’re not interested in dating just to date and we won’t settle for someone who is less than what we want just to have a partner. Some people call us “too picky,” however, our choosiness leads us to find partners that are well suited to us. When we find our ideal partner we rarely take them for granted.  


What do INFJs find attractive?

INFJs look for several qualities in a romantic partner: understanding, intelligence, passion and compatibility, to name a few. But we also don’t mess around. We want someone who is committed and who’s looking for true love. We’re not interested in dating just to date. 

Understanding

INFJs find anyone who tries to understand them interesting. We like people that we connect with and who make a genuine effort to understand our thought process and point of view. We’re used to people who just don’t bother, so if someone does make an effort, it’s noticed by an INFJ. It’s rare. 

Intelligence

INFJs have a high level of intelligence. We like to immerse ourselves in our passions, so we tend to know a lot about a lot of different things. Our favorite pass time is learning new things and we love to share those things with anyone who’s interested. We are attracted to people who have the same thirst for learning and the same passion for exploring the unknown.

Passion

INFJs are very passionate about our hobbies and interests. We are attracted to people who are passionate as well. That passion doesn’t have to be about the same thing that we are passionate about, it just has to be as strong as our own. Oftentimes the passion is just as attractive as the activity that is being pursued. 

Compatibility and attraction

While surface-level attraction is important to INFJs, it’s not the only thing we consider in a partner. First and foremost we want compatibility. We’re a bit different than most people. We want to discuss the meaning of life and the dark side of the moon, so if you’re content to talk about the Kardashians and The Bachelor, it ain’t gonna work. 

Want true love, not just a partner

Most INFJs are really serious about dating. We’re not here just to date. In our minds, dating just to date is a complete waste of time and really kinda like torture. I mean, talking to people, going out to noisy clubs or restaurants, small talk… I can’t think of anything worse! If we’re gonna put forth that much effort and fight through all of those things that make us uncomfortable, you’d better be serious.


Who are INFJs most attracted to?

ENFP

ENFPs are a great match for INFJs. Their function stack is opposite of ours, but we share some of the same preferences, N F. They will understand our intuition and our tendency to feel things very deeply. Their other preferences for extroversion and spontaneity are a nice contrast to our quiet organization.

ENFPs are bright and bubbly people, but still intuitive enough to know how to connect with INFJs. They’ll break down the warriors we put up and be understanding and sensitive of our quirks.

INFP

As an INFJ, I’m very partial to INFPs. They are the exact opposite of our functions. However, we share three preferences, I N F, so we have a lot of common ground to work off of.

Here’s my thought process: INFPs are introverted, so no forced social gatherings on the regular. They’re intuitive, so bring on all the deep conversations about life and meaning and depth. They also read between the lines and just know things, like we do. Also, they have all the feels too.

Then there’s that last letter that makes all the difference. They are the spontaneity to our planning and the mess to our organization. They are also the rainbows and lightness to our dark and heavy. They can lift us up to see the good in things and people, but also sit with us in the peaceful calm, just being alone… together.

Learn more about INFJ dating here: The Ideal Partner Type for an INFJ


What personality type is the ideal match for INFJ? 

The ENFP personality type is the ideal match for an INFJ. That’s what most people will tell you anyways. They are different enough from INFJs to make like interesting, but also similar enough that we have a lot in common with them. They are extroverted and spontaneous which contrasts our quiet organization rather well.

The fact of the matter, though, is that everyone is different. While some INFJs will enjoy an extrovert in their lives, others will not. Some of us INFJs like the peace and quiet and don’t want to be pulled out of our shell. It’s completely up to you to decide what type is right for you.


How do you tell if an INFJ is attracted to you?

It might be kinda difficult to tell if an INFJ is attracted to you, but there are a few things that you can look for.

They’ll make up excuses to be around you

INFJs aren’t people people. We’d much rather spend our free time alone, so if we’re around a lot, that’s a good indication that we like you, at least on some level. If we really like you we’ll actually make up excuses to be around you. If the INFJ in your office generally brings her own coffee to work, but now makes coffee in the break room and just happens to be in there when you’re in there… well, she probably likes you.

They’ll talk to you

As introverts, INFJs typically aren’t super chatty. We like to keep a low profile. But if we like someone we’re more likely to talk to them. We might even start conversations with them, but we’d have to really like them to go this far.

They’ll spend time with you

INFJs value our time more than anything. We plan to have free time to do as we please. It’s important for us to only spend time around people that we really like and value. So, if an INFJ is spending time with you, you can bet they like you more than a little bit.


How do you tell if an INFJ is interested in you? 

They’ll spend time with you

Our time is important to us, so if we put you on our calendar we are interested. It we accept a second date, we’re really interested. INFJs generally know pretty early if we are interested in you or not. We won’t waste your time or our time on someone we don’t like. That’s for sure.

They’ll go out of their way to help you

INFJs are constantly thinking about other people. It’s that extroverted feeling function of ours. But it can also be a good indication of our feelings. If we’re going out of our way to make you cookies or help you with that report that you’ve been putting off, know that we have feelings for you. We might even stay late to help you with something. Maybe.

They’ll talk to you

As introverts, INFJs are pretty shy. We like to sit back and watch the conversation, especially when we’re around people we don’t know very well. We’re most comfortable as the wall flowers. When we like someone we’ll make an effort to talk to them.

They’ll be direct with you

Once we’ve gotten to know you a bit, an INFJ will tell you directly if they like you or not. We are very direct in our communication style and want you to know that we are still around because we appreciate you.


How do you get an INFJ to fall for you?

The best way to get an INFJ to fall for you is to try to understand them. INFJs spend the majority of our lives feeling misunderstood and alone. Most people just don’t make an effort to understand us. If you’re able to do this and communicate to us that you enjoy doing it, them we’re way more likely to fall for you.


What is it like to be in a relationship with an INFJ? 

Want to get to know our partners

INFJs are very intuitive people. We want to get to know our partners on the deepest level possible. We want to understand them as much as we can, from the day they were born right up until this very moment.

Visualize and anticipate what your partner needs

Because we know so much about our partners we can show up for them in the most amazing ways. We’ll know what they want long before they know they want it. We’re tuned into their feelings as well. We know when they’re having a bad day and the best things to do to help them in whatever way they prefer.

Calm and Intense

INFJs can be very intense about the people we love. We want a magical experience of intimacy and we know how to get it. At the same time, we’re calm and quiet. We enjoy our free time and will most likely still spend a lot of time alone. We’re most happy with someone that we can be alone together with, someone who is content to sit in the same room and read or write right along with us.


What are INFJs like in relationships?

INFJs make wonderful life partners. We are thoughtful and kind to our partners, anticipating their needs before they do. Our mission is to please them the best way we know how. We are interested in every detail about our partner and catalog that information for use in our daily routine. You can count on us to remember you birthday, how you order your coffee, that restaurant you said you wanted to try and that brand of cookies you said were to die for.

We are quiet, yet intense at the same time. INFJs don’t take relationships lightly. If we’re in it, it’s because we’re serious about you and want you to show up the same way for us.

INFJs may be hesitant to share our fears, needs and feelings. Our extroverted feeling function makes it natural for us to focus on everyone else’s needs and feelings and really difficult for us to stop and think about ourselves. It’s a process that takes time, so be patient. We’ll get there.


Are INFJs good in bed? 

INFJs are amazing in bed. We have a function called extroverted feeling that makes us focus on the needs of others, especially those who are closest to us. We anticipate their needs before they do. We also have very active imaginations that we love to explore things with. When we really love someone we can let our imagination and our need to please run wild.


What is the end of a relationship like for an INFJ? 

The end of a relationship is really determined by what caused the end. INFJs are very concerned about other people, due to our extroverted feeling. We try and try and try to make things work. But there is a limit to the tries. Once we have reached that limit, and we feel like there is nothing else we can do, we walk away.

Depending on the person and the level of drama we predict, we may walk away without saying too much or maybe leaving a letter. We’re not ones to make a big scene or a grand exit. We’ll go quietly. We’ll leave your life so completely that you’ll wonder if we even existed at all.


How do INFJs recover from a breakup?

Recovering from a breakup can be really difficult for INFJs. We pour our heart and soul into our relationships. We spend so much time trying to make our partner’s life better and easier. We invest so much of ourselves into communicating with them and understanding them. We suffer very deeply when our heart is broken, even if we saw it coming or knew the relationship wouldn’t last.

It can take a while to work through all of the feelings and to even start to see ourselves without that person in our life. But once we do start to see that, we shut the door for good. No need to go back there and feel all that hurt again.

Learn more about INFJ dating here: 9 Ways to Recover From a Difficult Breakup

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One Sided Love | INFJ Love Story

“He was never mine, but losing him broke my heart.” 

Last week I had a dream about someone that I haven’t thought about in a while. Thinking about him used to be a daily routine for me. I’d wonder what he was doing at the moment, what he was eating for lunch, what he was watching on Netflix, what he thought about in his free time. I thought about him a lot. It was my favorite thing to do. 

I hate talking about him. Mostly because of the embarrassment. My friends and family don’t know. I’ve only spoken about him to a couple of people. 

You see, I didn’t actually know him. I only met him one time, for just a moment. So, for me to say that I loved him is really embarrassing. But I did, for the better part of 6 years. 

I knew everything that I could know about him without actually knowing him. I could put the CIA to shame with my investigative skills. I lived within a few miles of him, knew his friends, shopped at the same grocery store… ok this is starting to sound like I’m a stalker. I guess I kinda am. I didn’t mean for it to be creepy though. 

Actually, I had hoped that someday I would casually run into him accidentally, that really wasn’t accidental at all. I imagined that a mutual friend would introduce us, knowing how perfect we were for each other. 

Instead, he met someone else and they got married. 



I’d never felt so much pain in my life. I had no idea that emotional pain could cause that kind of physical pain. I realized how people can die of a broken heart. It really does cause immense physical pain. I thought that I would never be the same again. It was everything I could do to make it through just one day. But somehow I did. Day after day passed and the pain stayed. 

For a while, I hung onto hope. But after a few months had passed I realized that I should move on. I didn’t know how. How was I going to stop thinking about him? I thought about him constantly. I couldn’t fathom NOT thinking about him. I couldn’t even imagine it. 

I sat with the idea for a while, imagining a life without him. At first, it hurt. But slowly I started to like the idea. I don’t remember when exactly I made the decision, but I finally decided to stop, to let him go completely. It took a conscious effort to let him go. It was slow at first, and then all of the sudden. 

One day I realized that I hadn’t thought about him. I felt a tinge of pain because I was losing him, but also hope that I was capable of going through the day without him. Eventually, I realized it had been weeks and even months since I’d thought about him. And the pain was gone, which is the best feeling. 

INFJ Love Story

I’ve read a lot about INFJs and love. We seem to have a lot of trouble finding the right person. We don’t get attached to people like others do. We’re not here for the superficial things. We don’t like small talk, swiping apps or singles dating events. We want something that is a lot deeper. We want deep conversations about the meaning of life and the dark side of the moon. That’s not easy to come by. 

And finding someone who you like to look at and talk to, who is single, available, the sexual orientation you want and the gender you want… well, it’s exhausting. 

What’s the answer? 

People ask me questions about relationships all the time. I want to laugh when I see them. Not that I mind people asking me questions, it’s just the I’m the WORST person in the world to answer relationship questions. I can tell you what not to do. That’s about it. 

I’ve asked all of my friends how they met their spouses. All of them have these cute little stories about how their whole world changed. One met her husband in a diner she was working at. One grew up with her husband and they always knew they would end up together. One got divorced and moved into an apartment with roommates, one of whom ended up being her husband. 

The stories seem so simple, yet so complicated. So close, yet so far. One of these days I hope I get to have a story like this of my own. For now, I have to deal with the waiting and the not knowing. It’s a whole different kind of pain. 

Here’s the point

The point is I want you to remember that there’s always hope, even when it seems so far away and so impossible. It’s so simple. You just have to reach out there and grab it. You might have to put a little bit of effort into it, but when you do, the pain will go away. Maybe not all at once. Maybe it will be slow at first, but it will come. 

Maybe you’ll have to sit with the pain and the uncertainty for a while. Maybe it will feel weird or embarrassing. Maybe you’ll have to admit to yourself that you did something that you knew would lead to pain, but you did it anyway. Hopefully, you can forgive yourself for this, as I have. 

This life may not be what you thought it was going to be, but it can still be amazing and wonderful. It’s never too late. You’re never too old. There’s always hope. 


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INFJ Burnout

Being an INFJ can be really difficult at times. I basically have only 2 modes: go and burnout. Go is a great mode. It’s where I am most of the time. I get so much done and feel like I can do anything. Everyone is impressed by how much I can accomplish in a day. I feel good about myself and my life in this mode. 

But ultimately it leads to burnout. You can only be stuck on constant go for so long. And when burnout strikes, it takes no prisoners. It’s a full stop. It’s make sure you have something to eat because we’re gonna be here for a while. If Go is conquer the world mode, burnout is sleep for 6 months mode. 

There are several things that generally trigger burnout for most INFJs. Usually, we can deal with these things for a while before we hit burnout, but only for so long. 

Soaking up everyone’s emotions

One of the things that INFJs do best is feeling what other people are feeling. We don’t have to mimic the feeling, we experience it right there with them. It’s intense and amazing! But it’s also draining and exhausting. Sometimes feeling all the feels is good and refreshing, but when you are doing it all the time, it becomes too much. 

Sensory overload

Along with being INFJ, I’m also highly sensitive. I can hear things that most people don’t notice, like the sound of the heater squeaking or the clock on the wall ticking. Those sounds are like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. It’s not just sounds though. It’s anything that overwhelms the senses: being in a place with a lot of people or a strong smell, flashing lights, loud music, etc. All of these things are very draining for INFJs.



Trying to solve everyone’s problems

INFJs always end up being a counselor for our friends and family. We care so much about how they feel and we want to help them so much, that we are drawn to them and them to us, knowing that we can help. We listen to their problems, and unconsciously take them on as our own. Then we dig down deep and offer our most profound advice. It seems natural to us, like just another day. Most of the time we may not even notice how draining it is. But it actually is very draining, especially if you don’t have someone who you can tell your problems to. You carry everyone’s issues with no one to help you lighten the load. 

Always looking for more

This is my worst problem. I am constantly seeing ways to improve. I always have a hundred things to do to make myself better. I have a list of ways to improve my blog and my YouTube channel and everything new project I want to start – I already know how to make it better. 

But the constant need for improvement leads you to overlook the progress you’ve already made. It keeps you focused on needing more, rather than taking the time to stop and be thankful for what you have now. 

How to Cope

This is the million-dollar question: how do you cope with burnout? 

I’m sure there are a lot of articles and blog posts about dealing with burnout. I’ve read a lot of them myself. I’ve probably written some too. They all basically say the same thing: self-care, rest, exercise, take your vitamins. It will get better. 

I’m not as good as they are at being all happy and peppy and positive. I’m more of a realist. And in my experience, these periods can last months for me. You may have noticed that I took a bit of a break. I’m not sure if it’s over yet, but I’m hopeful. 

Along with being an INFJ, I also have depression. So I have a tendency to get stuck in burnout mode. I dive into self-care things like spending all weekend taking naps and watching movies. I indulge in my favorite foods until my clothes no longer fit right. 

When this happens I have to force myself back out of self-care mode and back into “go” mode. It’s not easy, especially when it’s winter in Massachusetts and we’re still in this world of covid hell. Most of my friends are still scared to leave their house. I don’t blame them. I really don’t want to leave either, but I know that I need to get out and do something. 

The best advice I have for when you feel burned out is to rest for a while. Take good care of yourself. Watch your favorite movies, eat your favorite food, take naps in your cozy bed. Do this for as long as it takes. I don’t know how long that is. You have to wait until it feels right for you. You’ll know when it’s time to go back to go mode. And when you do, take care to pace yourself a little bit better. You don’t need to change the whole world today. You can save some for tomorrow. 


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How to Start a Blog as an INFJ

INFJs are natural-born counselors with a knack for helping others. Our extroverted feeling function helps us to tap into others’ needs in a way that most people can’t. It’s our purpose to share this amazing gift with the world. And what better way than through a blog. 

I spoke to INFJ writing coach Lauren Sapala on my podcast earlier this year. She said that INFJs have a creative side this is often left unexplored. All too often we find ourselves in jobs like accounting or selling insurance and we feel unfulfilled in our lives. It’s common, but it doesn’t have to be your normal. 

“I do encourage INFJs to try writing in different forms and see what pulls you,” Lauren said. “Just try different things… and see what nourishes you.”



Write about what makes you happy. 

It doesn’t have to change the world. You don’t even have to be good at writing. You just have to share what you know with others. 

Your purpose comes from your pain.

When I spoke to Evan Carmichael on my show he said that finding your purpose is really simple. “Your purpose comes from your pain. It’s not that difficult. It doesn’t require years of meditation or journaling. You just think about what is the most painful moment for you as a human, not physical pain, but emotional pain… You’ve grown from that. You’ve come out of that… There’s lots of people who currently are who you used to be and your purpose is to go help them.”



It’s so simple when you think about it like that. 

You were made for a reason. You were made as a quirky, feeling, introvert for a very special reason. There is someone out there who needs to hear your story. They’re just waiting for you to tell it.    

When I first started this blog I was scared to death.

I’m terrible at writing… as you can see. I can’t spell and I don’t know a whole lot about proper sentence structure. I wanted what I wrote to be nice and professional. I wanted it to look and sound good. I had that fear that we all call perfectionism. 

There came a point though where I decided that it didn’t matter what I wrote or how it sounded or if it was even spelled right. I just wanted to share what I knew with the world. 

I had been through the worst time of my life. Every year for about 5 years I thought was the worst year and then the next one would be worse for me. It was like 2020 for me was 2015 and then 2016 and then 2017. I quit asking what else could go wrong. I didn’t want to know. 

I had the worst depression that just kept spiraling down. There was a point in 2015 that I seriously contemplated ending it all. I couldn’t see how anything could get any better and I couldn’t go on like that. I knew that something had to change. So I started looking for answers. I discovered that I had this amazing unique personality and that was the reason that it was so hard for others to understand and relate to me. Everything started to make sense. 

Over the course of those 5 years, with all of the craziness that happened (me getting fired a couple of times and losing everything that I owned) I found myself again. I realized what I really needed to be happy. 

I wanted to share that with others out there. I knew that I couldn’t be the only INFJ who was feeling lost and hopeless. I also knew that I had some answers that I could share. If I could help just one person it would be worth it. 

Turns out there was more than one person who needed help.

The first time I got a message like this I was dumbfounded. I thought the person had mistakenly sent it to me. I really couldn’t believe that I had made such a huge difference in their lives just by sharing my story. 

I’m still blown away when people send me these messages. I love to read them and am so thankful that I am able to help. It’s all I want to be. It makes my whole life feel meaningful. 

You can help too. 

I’m telling you all of this because I know that you have a story to share as well. There is something that you can do to help others. Writing a blog is a fantastic way to get started! 

Here’s how to get started. 

I put together this video to show you exactly what you need to do to set up your blog and get started writing. You don’t need a fancy website. In fact, you don’t need a website at all to start with. There are plenty of easy and free options that you can use. 

Don’t let your fear of not being enough or knowing enough hold you back from taking action. 

It’s a powerful thing that fear. It will show up as perfectionism, planning mode, feeling like “who am I to do this?” Don’t listen to it. Push through the fear and share your story. Believe me when I say it will change your life as much as it will help others. 

My life is 100% different that it was the day before I started my blog. I went from feeling like my job had no meaning to knowing that what I do is valuable and useful. I wake up every day excited to go to work. I could have never said that before! 

Take action today.

Write a blog post that’s messy and imperfect and honest and share it with the world. You’ll be glad you did!

Interested in starting a blog? I have another blog that’s all about starting your own business. Check it out here.


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INFJ Essential Reading List

As INFJs we are constantly looking to learn and grow, especially about ourselves and our personalities. We’re always striving to be better than what we were before, to be the best version of ourselves.

This past year has been such an amazing growth and learning experience for me. I’ve really focused on some of the things that I’ve been sure have been holding me back. Things like a lack of self-confidence, not being focused and not feeling motivated. I wanted to get crystal clear on my life’s purpose and my goals, both short term and long term.

I want to share with you some of the books that have helped me the most.


Built to Serve by Evan Carmichael

Find your life’s purpose

As INFJs we struggle to find our purpose in life. It’s just a part of our personality and how we process the world around us. But a fellow INFJ, Evan Carmichael, has all the answers for us. His book Built To Serve has changed my life and I’m sure it will change yours too. He says, “Your purpose comes from your pain.” He includes multiple practice exercises to help you work through the process of finding your true purpose in life and how you can really help people.


The INFJ Revolution by Lauren Sapala

Find your true self

What does it really mean to be an INFJ? Lauren Sapala has it all figured out. As an INFJ she’s been there and done that. She walks us through a deep understanding of what it means to be INFJ, how to find your purpose and how to reclaim your power in this crazy world.


Quiet by Susan Cain

Find your power as an introvert

Susan Cain single-handedly changed the way the world looks at introverts. She started a revolution with this amazing book that explains everything about our introverted personality. She gives us the permission to be different than what is generally accepted.


The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins

Change your habits in 5 seconds

5, 4, 3, 2, 1… change. That’s all it takes. 5 seconds. Mel Robbins breaks down this life-changing hack to change your habits in this amazing book. It’s changed my life in so many ways. Any time that I’m struggling with doing something new, even when I want to do it, I feel stuck and not able to help myself. But I think back to this rule and start counting backwards. Basically, you have 5 seconds to take action on doing the thing you want to do before your brain will default to what you’ve always done. If you want to change you have to take action in those 5 seconds. I guarantee you it will change your life too.


Do It Scared by Ruth Soukup

Life-changing ways to fight through the fear

We all have fear. Every single one of us. Ruth Soukup tells us that there are different kinds of fear and when you understand what kind of fear you have then you can combat it a lot better. She also provides us with this life-changing mantra: Do it Scared. Whatever it is that you’re thinking about doing, when you’re scared to take action just do it scared. Take action even though you’re scared. This is my favorite saying of all time. I use it everyday.


May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein

Be open to seeing things differently

Do you need a miracle in your life? Start here. This book is a 40 day guide to facing your fears and changing the way you look at the world. You’ll be surprised the miracles show up in your life when you let go of fear and choose love instead.


Don’t Keep Your Day Job by Cathy Heller

Do what you want to do with your life

I never wanted to start my own business until I started listening to Cathy Heller’s podcast, that’s also called Don’t Keep Your Day Job. She’s an amazing inspiration and a treasure trove of motivation and self-confidence. She made me see that I am capable of being my own boss and it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s an exciting adventure! It’s more about freedom than anything else. 

If you’re interested in starting your own business, or if you just hate your job and want to do something different, you should check out this book. It’s everything you need from motivation to practical steps to take to get started. 


Bonus…

The INFJ User Guide

Get your’s here!

Find your purpose now with this FREE guide!

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INFJ Sleep Problems: How to Sleep Better

“I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”

Ernest Hemingway

I love to sleep for the exact same reason. I also need to sleep. I literally cannot function without an adequate amount every night. Many INFJs struggle with going to sleep because we can’t shut our brains off. We love the quiet time when we’re all snuggled up in bed and there is nothing to distract our minds. We love to let them wander in this time. I look forward to it every single day. 

The problem arises when it’s 3 am and I still haven’t slept, knowing that I have to get up at 6:30 am. That’s when the panic sets in. I start thinking about being a zombie the next day and everything that I’ll want to eat just to try to stay awake. Then I want to make myself go to sleep. Have you ever tried to force yourself to sleep? Not only does it not work at all, but it’s super frustrating. I wouldn’t suggest it. 

There are several things that I do every day that help me sleep. These are not a cure-all, as I still have problems from time to time, but they do help immensely. 

Make your bedroom dark

Your sleeping environment should be as dark and cozy as possible. Start with blackout curtains. (These are the ones that I use that work great. They even block out the street lights that are right outside of my window) Make sure they are good quality curtains so that no light gets in. This is especially important if you live in the northern part of the United State (or any place really) where the sun comes up at 4 am in the summertime. 

The next step is to look for any other lights in your room. I have found quite a few on things like my TV, cable box, WiFi router, computer, microphone, etc. Anything that has one of those tiny little lights that seem like nothing during the day, but cause a problem when it’s supposed to be dark. Find a way to cover them up. I use tape. 

Sunrise alarm clock

One of the things that I hate most about going to bed it getting up in the morning. It’s awful. I especially hate being shocked and scared awake by my alarm clock. I even turned it down to the lowest volume and it’s still a jolt. I heard about these alarm clocks that gradually wake you up with light, so I tired one out. OMG it’s a HUGE difference! It’s like you wake up naturally instead of being scared out of your mind. This is the one I got and I absolutely love it.

Make sure your bed is comfy

My bed is my favorite place to be, so it has to be comfortable. It’s awful when you have a bad mattress or not enough blankets. I recently had to break down and buy a new bed and it makes all the difference in the world!

I also have a comforter that’s warm and cozy and several blankets that my grandma made for me. I also have a weighted blanket that I use frequently. It helps so much with anxiety. I know it sounds kinda strange, but it really works well.

Make it smell good

Another trick is to make it smell good. You don’t have to wash your blankets all the time, but if you use scent boosters when you do wash them, the smell stays longer. I like this one. 

Another way to make the room smell better is to get an aromatherapy room spray. I found this one that’s lavender, that’s good for relaxation. 

Use your bed for sleep only

I used to use my bed for everything, but then when it came to sleeping it didn’t feel very sleepy. When you are only using your bed for sleeping then your body will know that it’s time to rest when you crawl into bed. It’s almost like a mind trick really. 

Write it down

One of the biggest problems that I have, when I lay down to sleep, is I start to think about things that I need to do or want to do. Then I worry that I’ll forget them. The next morning I’ll remember that there was something that I didn’t want to forget, but can’t remember what it was. *facepalm* 

To fix this problem I started to keep a journal or a notepad by my bed to write things down. This way I can get it out of my head and I know that I won’t forget it. It helps a lot. 

Reduce your screen time

Reducing your screen time when you are in bed and right before going to bed will help you a lot as well. The very least you can do is switch your phone to night shift, where the screen is black instead of white at night. This helps reduce the strain on your eyes. 

Get some exercise

I know it’s a bit hard to get outside and exercise right now, but getting your blood moving will help you sleep so much. Any time you are getting exercise you are increasing the endorphins in your brain, which makes you feel good. You are also physically exerting yourself which will naturally make you tired, hopefully enough to sleep well. 

Yoga and meditation

Another great form of exercise for sleep is yoga. It combines gentle physical exertion with calming meditation, which is very relaxing, not just for the class, but for the whole rest of the day. There are special kinds of yoga classes designed to help you sleep, like this one from Glo

Herbs

There are so many herbs that you can get to help with sleep. I want to make sure you know that you can’t take them one day and instantly fall asleep. That’s not how they work. But if you take them consistently every night, then you will notice a difference. I noticed a difference after about a week.

I want to make sure you know that I am not a doctor and you should certainly reach out to your doctor if you are concerned about any interactions with medications you take. Everything mentioned below can be purchased legally, over the counter and most at either Walmart, Whole Foods or on Amazon. 

Melatonin

Melatonin is the most common herb mentioned for sleep. It works like a charm if you use it consistently. If you have tried it and it didn’t work for you I would encourage you to try it again. And as I mentioned above, take it consistently every night for 2 weeks before you decide it doesn’t work. I just buy whatever brand is at the store I’m at when I need it. Like this one. 

Magnesium

Magnesium is also important for sleep. Michael J. Breus, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and a diplomate of the American Board of Sleep Medicine, talked about it in an article from Psychology Today.

“I’ve seen many patients benefit from increasing their magnesium intake, through diet and supplements. It’s not uncommon for people, especially women, to have less-than-optimal magnesium levels. Because magnesium plays such a widespread, critical role in the body—it’s one of the 24 essential vitamins and minerals—low magnesium levels can throw many of the body’s functions off course, and raise risks for chronic health problems.

Healthy magnesium levels protect metabolic health, stabilize mood, keep stress in check, promote better sleep, and contribute to heart and bone health.”

I notice a huge difference in my sleep quality when I take magnesium. This is the kind I take. 

Valarian Root

I took melatonin and magnesium for a while and then my stress levels when up and they didn’t work as well as they had in the past. So I went looking for more. That’s when I found Valarian Root. This is a God-send!! It works so well. It says on the bottle that it promotes tranquility and relaxation and I can testify that it really does. 

This one you’ll have to find at Whole Foods or on Amazon. I order it from Amazon because I can’t with Whole Foods right now. Here’s the link.

Ashwagandha

Ashwagandha is more for anxiety relief than sleep per se, but I struggle with both so I added it to my nightly vitamins. I know a lot of us INFJs have issues with anxiety and this certainly has helped me. You can get it here. 

CDB Oil

I went back and forth about whether or not to add this one to the list. I know that CBD oil is a bit controversial, but just hear me out. 

First of all, it’s not illegal in the United States, technically. It’s not technically legal either though. It’s this weird gray area right now. The laws vary from state to state, so you’ll have to check with your state (or country if you are outside of the US) to see what the current law is. Make sure you’re checking from a recent and reputable place as a lot of these laws have changed in the last couple of years. 

Secondly, it’s not drugs. All of the THC is taken out of it, which is the part that makes you “high.” That’s also the part that gives you the munchies. 

The part that’s left has lots of benefits including reduced stress and increased relaxation. It’s helped me a lot, as much as any prescription for anxiety ever has. Though it’s a bit expensive, I would really encourage you to give it a try. 

I would really encourage you to find a distributor that is legitimate and sells a good quality product. Make sure they are willing to share their certificates of analysis.

Conclusion

Any of the things that I mentioned will help you sleep a little bit better, but if you combine all of them I’m sure you’ll see a huge improvement. 

WHAT IF ONE BOOK COULD CHANGE YOU’RE LIFE?

Whether you’ve just found out you’re an INFJ or you’ve known for a while, diving into your personality traits will have a profound impact on your life. It will change everything!

Learn more

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Are You a Turbulent or Assertive INFJ?

A lot of people ask me about whether I’m a turbulent or assertive INFJ. For the longest time, I had no idea what that meant. The reason is that it’s not a universal, across all personality type tests, term. It’s exclusive to only one test that I can find. Though all of the tests that I have listed below are based on the original personality theory by Carl Jung, only one takes things a bit farther. 

The first personality test I took was the Keirsey Test. You can read their profile here. They give you a more high-level view of personality types and ask you to purchase the full, but more detailed assessment notes. Notice they don’t mention anything about turbulent or assertive. 

The official Myers Briggs Assessment is also available online for a small fee. You can take it here. I have never taken it, but I’ve also never read any mention of turbulent or assertive from them either. 

It’s important to recognize this so that we don’t get too hung up on these labels. The whole purpose of learning your personality type is to learn more about yourself and others and to better relate to them as well. 

The test at 16Personalities.com is where the terms turbulent and assertive come up. 16 Personalities added the extra letter in an effort to better describe people based on traits rather than types. They combined the original Jung theory with the MBTI theory and adapted their theory to look at the overall way a persona acts rather than try to fit them into a certain box. They look at five personality aspects: mind, energy, nature, tactics and identity, though they use the same letters as the original MBTI assessment, along with the added T or A. 

Now that we know where the extra letters came from, let’s focus on what they mean. “Assertive Advocates (INFJs) are more likely to be confident and relaxed. Turbulent Advocates are likely to question themselves more and are ordinarily more sensitive to stressors.” Reference

Assertive

People with assertive personality types are positive and self-confident. They are much less likely to be nervous or stressed out than their turbulent counterparts. They go after their dreams and goals and aren’t swayed when people tell them that they can’t have something. They want to accomplish big things but don’t get stuck looking at the past. They keep their focus on the future. 

Assertive types have a steady stream of confidence. They keep positive no matter what happens and tend to accomplish more than turbulent types. They can weather any storm and keep their drive and will intact. 

It’s easy for them to all pray to being overly confident though and even arrogant. They look past the potential problems that come up with the idea and attitude that it’s not a problem for them only for others. If not kept in check this overconfidence could overpower everything else in their lives and their personality. 

Turbulent

Those with turbulent personality types are much less confident, though much more driven to prove themselves. They are constantly trying to improve themselves and everything around them to the point of perfectionism. The idea that if they do more, accomplish more, be more then they will feel like they are more. 

But no matter how much they do are achieve, no matter what distinction they gain, they still feel like it’s not enough, like they are not enough. Any criticism that is aimed at them is taken straight to heart and either sends them into a downward spiral or motivates them to do still more. 

They are very sensitive to problems, noticing them quickly and fixing them thoroughly, often before others could detect them. These problems can be there downfall though if they get stuck in a cycle of looking for problems and not being able or willing to fix them.

Conclusion

In learning about these two additional categories I can’t help but notice their similarities to being narcissistic and codependent. A broad definition of a narcissist is someone who looks to themself as a source of love in their life, much like the assertive type being full of confidence no matter what, while a codependent looks to everyone else for love and approval, the same way the turbulent type is always looking to achieve something new and be praised by others for their accomplishment. 

As I stated above, the purpose of learning about your personality is not to place a label on you or to say that one type is better or worse than another. The real purpose is to learn about yourself and to grow as a person. Our personality is shaped by so many things, some we are born with and some we learn. That leads me to the conclusion that we must be able to adapt some things, certainly when they come down to overconfidence or endless people-pleasing. 

WHAT IF ONE BOOK COULD CHANGE YOU’RE LIFE?Whether you’ve just found out you’re an INFJ or you’ve known for a while, diving into your personality traits will have a profound impact on your life. It will change everything!

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Little Things that Make INFJs Happy

INFJs are pretty complicated individuals at our core, but it really doesn’t take that much to make us happy. We take pleasure in simple things that most people would find boring. We like to be alone, left in our favorite quiet space to think our deep thoughts and work through our plans and intuitions. Being alone isn’t the only thing that makes us happy, but it is at the top of the list. Here are a few more things… 

Quiet time

Having quiet time is really important for INFJs. It’s how we recharge our internal batteries. We need it to give us the energy to do all of the other things we have to do. But we also love it. We could spend the majority of our days in a quiet space curled up with our favorite book and a warm drink. There’s nothing better for us. Nothing makes us happier. 

Feeling valuable

Because of our Extroverted Feeling, we are constantly looking at the people around us. We want to make sure they are ok and have everything they need. We are happy when we are doing something that is important to those around us, something helpful and useful. It gives us a deep sense of purpose and happiness to feel needed and useful. 

We are especially happy when other people recognize ou contributions and make us feel valuable. Their kind words will go a long way for us. 

Encouraging words

Most INFJs identify Words of Affirmation as their top love language. We appreciate anyone who will listen to our theories and ideas and try to understand. We need friends to talk out our problems with and help us sort things through. Their words of encouragement and cheer bring us that happiness that comes from a true connection. It’s an amazing feeling.

Knowing we can be ourselves

INFJs are known as social chameleons. We adapt our personality to best suit those around us. Most of the time we do this without really even noticing what’s going on. But sometimes it is noticeable and it gets old. We want someone that we can be truly ourselves around and not have to worry about judgment. 

Deep conversations

Surface level conversations are the bane of our existence. We want to talk about deep and meaningful things. We can spend hours and hours talking about the meaning of life, the effects of our childhood and self-development. We’ll sit and talk for hours about anything that’s complex and interesting. We love to sort out puzzles for fun. We walk away from these kinds of conversations feeling recharged and ready to conquer the world. 

Getting organized

The inside of our head is such a messy and convoluted web of information and connections that we need the outside world to be organized and under control. We love labels and highlighters and file folders, anything that makes us feel like we have our life together. We’ll spend hours organizing and reorganizing the files on our computer to make sure they make the most sense and are easy to access. We like things to be efficient. We’ll be most at ease and internally happy when things are all in their place. 

Having a plan

“The opposite of depression is not happiness, it’s purpose.” Cathy Heller says these words over and over again and I couldn’t agree more. As INFJs, we need a plan. We need a goal to work towards. We need to have a long term view of our lives. We can’t function without it. There is nothing more hopeless than an INFJ floundering around trying to figure out why they were put on this earth. It’s really tragic. 

But when we have a plan and we can consistently make progress on that plan, we are very happy and fulfilled. We are great at looking toward the future and adjusting our daily lives accordingly. We are very happy when we can see the progress and know that our plan is working. 

As with everything about INFJs, our happiness is contradictory. We are simple and complicated at the same time. But this is where we are most happy as well when we can be most ourselves and help others in the process. 

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